Spotlight: CI’s Guide to Resolutions

Reflecting with humor on insights gained from true encounters in 2018, CI Investigators have translated lessons learned into helpful goals for 2019. Here’s to an Awesome New Year and an Awesome New You!!

Early to Bed - Don’t Monkey Around

When describing a subject’s supervisory abilities, a reference added, “I wish he’d stop going out for runs at 2 AM. He got chased by a bear the other day and had to climb on top of the monkey bars at the park to get away.”

Address Problems with Proper Attire

When asked about a subject’s approach to addressing problems, the reference indicated that the subject, “dresses very modestly, never wears anything provocative, and....” The Investigator quickly cut off the clear misunderstanding, “Oh no! Please…Sir…Allow me to repeat the question!”

Avoid Potty Politics

A subject who actively engaged in political protests all around the country, acquired an extensive record of arrests associated with each protest. When asked about her criminal charges, she proudly announced, “INCOMMODING!!!” and added with cheer, “Incommoding is my favorite charge! It sounds like someone tipped over a port-apotty while camping.”

Love Thyself

When asked if a subject had any shortcomings, a reference emphatically replied, “Yes, she is too self-less and she needs to take more time for self-love and margaritas!”

If All Else Fails, Take a Selfie

When CI was unable to verify a subject’s employment after ongoing exhaustive efforts, the subject “alleviated all doubt” by sending us a photograph of himself holding the company’s Employee Handbook.